Textbook Definition
by EnglishCivilWar
Summary: Leorio doesn't understand Kurapika's feelings. Leorio has a hard time understanding his OWN feelings. At least he's trying.


He wasn't really sure what he thought about Kurapika.

 _Wait, that came out wrong._

He wasn't really sure what he FELT about Kurapika.

 _Damn, that sounded bad, too._

Leorio bit his lip in frustration and raked a hand through his short hair, tilting back the uncomfortable wooden chair. Gah.

It wasn't that he didn't LIKE Kurapika. Of course he did. He loved the guy. It was just that lately, Kurapika was making him feel weird.

 _Weird is too strong a word, stupid._

This wasn't going well.

Ever since he and Kurapika had met up again the week before, Leorio had been feeling strange. Well, not really strange, per se. It was more…

Nervous.

Which was to be expected, honestly. They hadn't seen each other in a few months, ever since they split up in Yorknew city. He would have been surprised if he hadn't been at least a little shy with his friend upon their reunion.

But it was more than that.

It started with Leorio deciding to email Kurapika. They texted frequently (well, Leorio did, at least - Kurapika didn't really say much back), but Leorio had just finished his first set of exams and was bored out of his mind, so he wanted to know if Kurapika would be nearby anytime soon. He hadn't actually expected a response - He'd learned a while ago that Kurapika wasn't very good at expressing himself - but he got one a week later. In less than three sentences, Kurapika stated that he'd be working in Leorio's area in several days, and told him to be ready to meet for food at short notice.

Leorio had been pretty thrilled, really. It was high time they caught up with each other, and Leorio had been feeling out of the loop. He was the only one in the group who wasn't doing anything exciting, which wasn't fair on him, cause they would all have cool stories to tell, and he wouldn't.

Anyway.

Leorio was on his toes the whole week, expecting Kurapika around every corner. He would purposely slow down on his way to a class, checking his peripheral vision to see if the blonde was hiding behind a bookcase, just waiting to snatch him by the arm and yank him away.

Kurapika was waiting to catch him off guard, and Leorio would be ready.

But it never happened.

All week, Leorio kept glancing over his shoulder, yet Kurapika never turned up. Which pissed Leorio off. Was Kurapika standing him up?

And then, out of the blue, Kurapika just stalked up to him in the hallway plain as day with an intense "Let's go." Like they were on a super secret mission, or something. But being completely conspicuous about it.

Leorio wasn't sure what to make of that. But then, when could he ever figure out what was going on in Kurapika's head?

So he muttered a flustered, "Um, all right," and let himself be harshly led down the stairs and out of the building, with neither him nor Kurapika saying a word the whole way to the cafe.

And then they sat down. And Kurapika began endlessly rambling.

He was talking so fast, Leorio could barely understand a word. Something about the eyes, about the Phantom Troupe - Kurapika had gotten close, Leorio guessed. But this was unusual.

Kurapika wasn't one to get so passionate. Yeah, he'd been a little messed up back in Yorknew, but this was different.

This was mania.

So after a full minute of Kurapika's breathless speech, Leorio finally put his hand out and touched his shoulder. And Kurapika broke off mid sentence, staring up at Leorio as if in a trance.

"Slow down. Take it easy. Drink some water," Leoro said softly, moving Kurapika's glass closer to him. Kurapika looked at it in confusion.

"Why?" he asked, obviously annoyed, and Leorio flinched. This was not how he'd intended for this little meet up to go.

"Because you're obsessive. You need to calm down." That was something Leorio had learned in his recent class. People who were too focused on work (especially someone like Kurapika, whose work brought him closer to his only goal in life) tended to drive themselves crazy if that was all they were exposed to for a long while. It was good to get them out, make them forget about all that stuff for a bit.

Leorio felt immensely proud of himself for emailing Kurapika in the first place.

Kurapika blinked, then turned slightly red and took a long, delicate drink from the glass, his eyes focused intently on the ceiling. He put the water down and looked back at Leorio. "Sorry," he said softly, and there he was, the Kurapika that Leorio knew. Intense, but kind.

Calm. Collected. Not crazed.

Leorio gave him a thumbs up. "Don't worry about it." He took off his suit jacket and draped it over the back of his chair, and when he looked back, Kurapika was gazing at him with a small smile.

Leorio's heart flopped over in his chest.

That shouldn't be happening. _What is it?_ He mentally checked all of the phenomena he read about in his textbooks. _Fear?_ Yeah, fear could cause someone to feel their heart stutter. But he wasn't afraid.

Or was he?

He was definitely nervous. That had to be it. He felt nervous. _Of course._

He was suddenly aware that he had froze mid -turn and was staring at Kurapika with unblinking eyes. Kurapika was looking at him as if he were insane.

Leorio jolted and swiped a hand through his hair. "Sorry." He huffed out an awkward laugh and shook his head. "Didn't get much sleep."

Kurapika nodded, and then asked Leorio about his medical work, and the conversation went normal enough.

But that weird heart flutter kept happening.

Along with an adrenaline rush that Leorio felt in his stomach, what most people would call "butterflies".

Every time Kurapika looked at him a certain way, smiled, even argued with him, it would happen. Leorio was freaking out.

So now he sat at his desk in his dorm room, trying to understand it. Because it could be something really serious. It could be, like, deathly serious.

His books said nothing.

He pulled out a scientific study on various diseases, but absolutely none of his symptoms matched anything on there.

Frustrated, he got up and tore a random book off the shelf. Not that it would be helpful, but whatever. He glanced at the cover.

It was his Psych textbook.

He frowned. He knew Psychology. It was one of his best subjects; reading people was easy for him. This wouldn't help at all. He knew his own mind, he knew what he thought about things. No, his problem was physical, not mental. Definitely.

He decided to leaf through the book anyway.

His eye caught a few words. Adrenaline. Fight or flight. Fear, anxiety, excitement, love. Some others.

Leorio rolled his eyes. He hadn't been afraid. He'd been nervous, but not afraid. And he wasn't even that nervous he'd been more nervous before he'd met up with Kurapika, but had felt better after they began talking.

Anxiety? Anxiety about what? He wasn't taking a test.

Excitement was a possibility, but he quickly ruled that out as well - He wasn't giddy, and he knew excitement went hand in hand with giddiness.

But that didn't make sense. He couldn't have been feeling love. He didn't even know what it was like to feel love - that kind of love. Fluffy love. And he'd been with Kurapika. Why would he feel fluffy love around Kurapika?

He shook his head. No. None of it made sense. There was no explanation for anything, and he was a shit doctor. He couldn't even diagnose himself.

 _Whatever_. He got up and tucked the various books back into the shelf. He'd put it behind him. It was probably just some weird fluke thing - Someone walking over his grave, or something. Not that he believed in stuff like that, but y'know. Just an expression. Had to be something like that.

Had to be.

* * *

When he woke up the next day, the blonde was standing over him, his eyes wide and glazed over.

Leorio blinked. "Uh..."

"I had a dream about them. I think it was a sign. I think it was a lead. They were calling out to me, they were telling me to go find them, they said to follow them, they said I was taking too long, they were mad -"

Leorio grabbed Kurapika's shoulders, his grogginess forgotten in the sudden seriousness of the situation. "Hey. Hey. Listen to me. They're not calling out to you. They're not mad at you, they don't think you're taking too long."

Violent shudders rocked Kurapika's small frame, which worried Leorio. He ran his hands over Kurapika's arms soothingly. "You're just afraid that they're angry with you, so you're subconscious makes up situations where they actually are. But I promise you, they're not. They're not going to help you, they're not going to be happy or sad or angry with you, cause they're dead."

Kurapika stared at him vacantly. Leorio rubbed circles into his hands. "The only way you'll figure this out is to do it yourself, okay? Well, not all by yourself, that's not good, I'll help you. But it's not your fault if it takes a while, it can take as long as you need it to. And it doesn't have to be the only thing in your life. It doesn't have to take everything else over."

That seemed to wake him up. He blinked slowly, life returning to his eyes, and turned slightly to properly look at Leorio. For a few seconds, he simply gazed at him, then he started, a flush coming to his cheeks. "Oh, Leorio, I'm so sorry," he stuttered, stumbling back. "I don't even know what happened, I just - My mind was somewhere else, I suppose, and I knew you were here, so I - But I promise, I didn't mean to- " he broke off, standing there helplessly. His voice had lost that weird, monotone quality, and was back to sounding like normal. Leorio was thankful.

"Listen, it's all good," Leorio said softly, standing and coming over. He was glad he'd conked out before undressing, or else this would be really awkward. He leaned down and smoothed over Kurapika's shirt, his face filled with concern. "I understand. I get it."

Kurapika bit his lip. It was strange, seeing him act so flustered. He was normally so in control. "Thank you," Kurapika said quietly.

It was tense for a moment. Leorio didn't like it. He didn't like Kurapika being so helpless. "Well, you know, obviously I'd be able to help you."

Kurapika's eyebrows shot up, a look of surprise passing over his face. "What?" he asked, taken aback.

 _This'll get him back to acting like normal_. "Because I'm super smart. So I'd definitely be the one to tell you what's wrong." He grinned cheekily.

Kurapika stared at him a moment, then narrowed his eyes. Ah, there he is. "That's quite egotistic of you," he said in a snarky voice, but he was definitely trying to keep the corners of his lips from quirking up.

Leorio had been about to make a smart comeback, but he stopped short. His heart had done the weird fluttery thing again. He cursed inwardly. He'd forgotten about last night's troubles. What the hell was that?

Kurapika raised an eyebrow. "I find it hard to believe that you of all people are speechless, Leorio," he said with a smirk.

Leorio snapped back to the present and huffed out a laugh, sheepishly rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "Heh, guess you got me there," he replied, smiling.

Kurapika smiled back.

Leorio's heart hammered in his chest.

 _What's going on?_

He gulped and patted Kurapika on the shoulder. "Well, if you'll just give me a second to wash up, we can hang out today, if you want."

"I'm afraid I'm busy today," Kurapika replied, shaking his head. "I need to get back to the hotel as soon as possible, actually. I only came here because you - I'm not sure, somehow I knew you could help."

"Your subconscious recognized me as someone it could trust," Leorio said distractedly. He suddenly felt stupid. Of course Kurapika couldn't hang out today; the get -together had been so spontaneous because Kurapika had virtually no free time anymore. It was only a fluke.

Somehow, that made Leorio feel worse.

Kurapika was staring at him again. "Leorio? Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

Leorio waved him off. "Yeah, of course I'm fine. I'm a doctor, after all," he said with a frown.

Kurapika raised an eyebrow. "You're not a doctor yet," he pointed out.

"Whatever," Leorio scoffed, throwing up his hands in exasperation. He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly and moved back to his bed.

"Also, doctors get sick, too. There's no reason why you would be exempt from illness even if you were a doctor," Kurapika added, following him.

Leorio turned around to look at him. "Okay, yeah, point taken, I'm stupid." He shook his head and sat down. If they weren't going to hang out, then he really wanted to get back to bed and try to figure out the flutter in his heart.

But Kurapika didn't get the hint, apparently, because he just plopped right on down opposite Leorio, who gave him a quizzical look.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Leorio asked, with more annoyance than he'd intended.

Kurapika's gaze remained level. "You're lying to me. Something's wrong." He frowned. "What is it, Leorio?"

Leorio pouted. "It's nothing. Why do you even care?" he shot back. It was definitely nothing. There wasn't anything to be getting worked up over. If Kurapika could just leave him alone, he would figure it out - It had to be some psychological phenomenon he'd forgotten about, some obscure cold...

"Because we're friends, astonishingly," Kurapika replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "And friends worry about friends."

There was something very intense in the way Kurapika said that last part, something extremely truthful. Leorio remembered Yorknew, suddenly, remembered the way he and Gon and Killua had begged Kurapika to let them help him.

He himself was helping Kurapika now, distracting him from the frenzy that his life's goal caught him in.

"Let me help you," Kurapika said softly.

Leorio almost told him. He had such an open, honest expression, he would have told him anything. But he stopped himself at the last second.

Because it happened again. And he suddenly realized it was much more serious than he had thought.

"I swear, it's nothing. I'm just sick." Leorio slipped on a poker face. No. He definitely couldn't let Kurapika know about this. Not yet. Not until he'd really figured it out.

Kurapika studied him intently, his eyes moving slightly as he read Leorio's face. He pressed his mouth into a thin line and nodded curtly. "All right, then. I'll be going. I'll be in for at most another week, so be prepared for another abrupt meeting."

Leorio nodded. "Okay," he started, but Kurapika had already left.

He heaved a big sigh and leaned back against his pillows. Kurapika definitely knew he was lying, knew he was hiding something, and was angry about it - rightfully so. After everything he and the kids had preached to Kurapika about being honest and asking for help when you need it, it was really hypocritical of him to push the blonde away now.

But he had to do it. Kurapika just - He wouldn't understand. He would start asking questions, questions that Leorio didn't know the answer to.

Not to mention that it seemed Kurapika himself was the cause of Leorio's problem.

He groaned. It just didn't make any sense. What was he feeling? Why was he feeling it? What did Kurapika have to do with anything?

He glanced at the clock. 7:28. He still had another hour before his class started, which meant another forty -five minutes of sleep.

But he doubted it would help much.

* * *

It didn't help.

Nothing helped.

No matter how hard he thought, how many books he looked through, he couldn't figure it out. He couldn't understand it.

He'd barely been able to focus the whole day, passing through his classes like a zombie. He was completely exhausted, and his mind was all fuzzy, like a giant cloud had just taken up residence in his brain.

A rush of relief hit him as he walked down the hall to his place. Peace. Quiet. He was honestly glad that Kurapika hadn't hung out with him - the blonde had been appearing in his head every five seconds, making him feel antsy. He couldn't understand it.

It was obviously just his luck that he saw Kurapika sitting stiffly at his desk upon walking through the door. _Obviously_.

He blinked. "Kurapika, what are you doing here? I thought you said you were busy?"

Kurapika didn't move his head, instead opting to continue staring blankly at the wall. "I was...I did it. It's done," he said monotonously. "They had the eyes Someone had found another pair. But they turned out to be fake. They were fake, Leorio." He turned to Leorio with a pained expression on his face, his own eyes dangerously close to scarlet. "It's so hard to find them at all, and then for them to turn out to not even be real- "

Leorio held up his hands and moved forward. "Hey, hey, easy. It's okay. You'll find real ones soon, I know you will."

Kurapika shook his head. "It's my fault, I should have known, I should have realized - They were glass, Leorio. The eyes of my people are so valuable that others will create fakes, others will tarnish my name for a profit." Bright red illuminated Kurapika's irises.

Leorio bit his lip. This wasn't good. He didn't know what else to say to Kurapika to make him come to his senses. There wasn't anything TO say - He'd already said it all. What could he do?

Kurapika was shuddering again. Leorio began to panic. What could he do? What could he DO?

He was a DOCTOR. He should be able to help.

He needed to fix the problem.

He didn't know what he was doing.

And the damned flutter was happening again.

And then he was moving without thinking about it.

He leaned forward suddenly, jerkily, and pressed his lips against Kurapika's.

 _Soft. Very soft. Not wet. Not dry. And soft._

Kurapika stopped shaking, shocked out of his frenzy. His eyes widened. Leorio could see them widen.

 _What the hell am I doing?!_

He flung himself back, stunned, and looked back at Kurapika, whose expression mirrored his. Well, at least the blonde wasn't shaking anymore, wasn't talking like he had been. But his eyes were still scarlet. His emotions were all over the place.

Leorio didn't even know what he was thinking. What was he thinking? What in the name of God had he been thinking?!

After a moment, he cleared his throat and ran his hand over the back of his neck. _Excuse. Make up an excuse ._ "I uh..." _That's not an excuse._ He coughed. "I'm sorry, I have no idea why-"

Kurapika stood up abruptly. Leorio immediately stopped talking and gazed up at him intently, but he didn't even look back before walking out the door, fast as lightning.

It took Leorio a moment to register what had happened.

 _What the hell just happened?!_

He'd kissed Kurapika. He'd KISSED KURAPIKA. Was he actually insane? Where did that even come from? He stared at the door and numbly touched his fingers to his mouth. He could still feel him there.

Really, what had made him do that? Kurapika was his friend. Kurapika was JUST his friend. There was nothing else. There had never BEEN anything else.

 _So why?!_

Leorio groaned and fell back onto his bed, rubbing his hands tiredly over his face. Did he...did he like Kurapika? In that way?

He bit his lip. No. He couldn't. It wouldn't work out - Kurapika was on a different path, was too distant. He didn't have time for frivolous things like that.

...Or did he?

NO, he didn't, and it didn't matter because Leorio most definitely did NOT like him. Either way, Kurapika probably wasn't going to talk to him for at least another month, Leorio realized unhappily.

He sighed and shoved his face into his pillow. _Whatever_. He'd think about it later. He was too tired now.

* * *

He woke groggy and covered in sweat four hours later, his head pounding and his vision swimming. That's what he got for falling asleep at seven o'clock. He sat up blearily and stumbled out of his bed, turning on the lamp and rubbing his hands over his face. His clothes were all wrinkled. He grimaced.

The door opened suddenly, and Kurapika stalked inside.

Leorio jumped back, startled. "Why do you keep doing that?!" he demanded. Yeah, he may not be all that against it, but that didn't mean Kurapika could just barge in here whenever he wanted.

And then Kurapika grabbed him by the collar of his t -shirt and kissed him.

Shock.

He was stunned, blinded for a moment.

He didn't know what was going on, what to think.

Don't think.

 _Don't think._

He tilted his jaw to deepen the kiss and reached down to thread his fingers through Kurapika's hair.

Kurapika's soft, soft hair. It was like an old cotton blanket, warm and nubby and perfectly familiar and comforting. Golden, like the sun.

Leorio didn't know how long they stood there, lips locked, before finally he had to pull away to catch his breath. He gasped for air, his hands still tangled in Kurapika's locks.

A long moment of silence passed. They stared at each other.

And Kurapika wasn't shaking. Though his eyes were tinged red, they weren't wild, they were happy.

And the fluttery feeling in Leorio's stomach came back tenfold.

...

 _Oh._

So that's what it was.


End file.
